Fight, Flight, or Freeze: How Your Body Responds to Stress—and How to Find Your Way Back to Calm
- Janice dirksen
- Aug 25
- 5 min read
Recently, I experienced a very real freeze response while riding as a passenger in a car. I was casually reading a message on my phone, not paying much attention to the road or where Google Maps was taking us. Suddenly, the driver—began yelling at me to put my phone down, insisting that Google Maps wasn’t taking us where we needed to go.
In that moment, I froze. I could understand his frustration, but the intensity of him shouting, unplugging his phone from the dash, and tossing it at me while demanding I take over directions sent my body into a full freeze state.
My heart started to race. My vision narrowed. I couldn’t concentrate, make a decision, or even do something simple like set down my own phone to pick up his. My body went into survival mode as if I were facing an ancient life-or-death threat—like a saber-toothed tiger about to pounce.
And as it was happening, something deeper clicked. The yelling, the sudden demand, the feeling of being completely caught off guard—it reminded me of being a child. My father would sometimes walk into a room and randomly begin yelling and screaming. As a child, I didn’t understand that this came from his alcoholism—his self-sabotaging habit that spilled over into our lives. All I knew then was the sudden terror of unpredictability, the sense of danger, and the instinct to freeze so I wouldn’t make things worse.
That old pattern was still living in my body. Even though, in the present moment, the only real issue was that Google Maps had suggested a U-turn we couldn’t make with our truck and trailer, my nervous system reacted as though I were in immediate danger.
Eventually, we found our way back to the highway and continued in the right direction. But even once we were safe and moving again, my body was left in that heightened state—heart racing, clammy, uncomfortable, and unable to even put words to what I was feeling.
To bring myself back, I turned to two simple practices. First, I focused on my breath, inhaling for four counts and exhaling for eight counts, creating a calming rhythm to help regulate my nervous system. At the same time, I used a grounding somatic exercise: I slowly ran my index finger up and down the inside of each finger on my opposite hand, moving from thumb all the way to pinky as I breathed in and out. This gentle movement helped me reconnect with my body and anchor myself in the present moment.
The Nervous System’s Survival Blueprint
Most of us know about fight or flight, but there’s a third automatic stress response: freeze. These patterns aren’t choices—they’re survival instincts hardwired into the nervous system.
Fight → you push back, argue, or get defensive.
Flight → you want to escape, avoid, or distract yourself.
Freeze → you go blank, shut down, or feel unable to act.
In ancient times, these responses protected us from predators. In modern life, they’re triggered by everyday stressors: an angry email, a conflict with a loved one, or a situation that feels overwhelming.
The trouble comes when our bodies get stuck in these patterns long after the moment has passed. That can look like anxiety, fatigue, sleeplessness, or feeling disconnected from yourself.
Breath: A Built-In Regulator
One of the simplest tools for calming the nervous system is something we carry with us everywhere: the breath. When triggered, breathing often becomes shallow or held, keeping us in high alert. By slowing and deepening the breath, we can signal safety to the body.
Research by James Nestor, author of Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art, shows that slow, rhythmic breathing—especially longer exhales—helps restore balance and calm. For example:
Fight → lengthen the exhale to release intensity.
Flight → steady the rhythm of inhale and exhale to ground yourself.
Freeze → use small, rhythmic breaths to gently reawaken presence.
Somatic Mindfulness Tools
As I shared in Anxiety Lives in the Body, the body holds onto old experiences. Gentle somatic practices like grounding touch, body scanning, or orienting to your senses can help release tension and remind the body that you are safe in the here and now.
Hypnosis, Mindscapes, and Reiki: Going Deeper
Sometimes, awareness and breath alone aren’t enough to unwind patterns rooted in the past. That’s where deeper practices can support healing:
Hypnosis helps re-train the subconscious, releasing automatic stress responses and building new patterns of calm and resilience.
Mindscapes provide a creative inner landscape where you can safely explore triggers, shift perspectives, and create empowering new responses.
Reiki works energetically, helping to clear stress imprints and restore balance in the body’s energy field.
Together, these approaches help you not just cope with fight, flight, or freeze—but gently rewire your system so you respond with greater freedom and presence.
Freeze Response Reset: Step-by-Step
When your body goes into freeze, you can use these steps to gently return to calm:
Step 1: Notice the Freeze
Pause and acknowledge your body’s reaction: “I am noticing that I’m frozen, my body is in survival mode.”
Name the sensation: tight chest, racing heart, numbness, or inability to act. Awareness begins the reset.
Step 2: Slow Your Breath
Inhale gently through your nose for 4 counts.
Exhale slowly through your mouth for 8 counts.
Repeat for 1–2 minutes, letting your body feel the rhythm of safety and grounding.
Step 3: Engage Somatic Grounding
With your opposite hand, run your index finger along the inside of each finger from thumb to pinky, slowly.
Match the movement with your inhale and exhale.
Feel the physical connection—this brings your awareness back to the present moment.
Step 4: Orient to Your Senses
Look around and notice 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste.
This helps shift the nervous system from freeze to present-moment awareness.
Step 5: Optional Support
Use gentle movement: stretch, shake your hands, or walk a few steps to release residual tension.
Hypnosis, Mindscapes, or Reiki can be applied afterward for deeper nervous system recalibration and energetic balance.
Step 6: Self-Compassion Check-In
Remind yourself: “This is a normal survival response. I am safe now. I am taking care of myself.”
Notice the difference in your body and energy as you move back into presence.
A Compassionate Reframe
These reactions aren’t flaws. They’re survival instincts, shaped long ago, and they arise to protect us. Healing begins with awareness, self-compassion, and the willingness to gently guide the body back to safety.
With simple tools like breathwork, grounding touch, and supportive practices like hypnosis, Mindscapes, and Reiki, we can remind ourselves: I am safe. I am here. I am free to respond differently now.
Your nervous system may still carry echoes of the past—but with awareness and supportive practices, you can return to calm, reclaim your power, and live more fully in the present.
Ready to feel grounded and empowered? Let's chat.
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